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Conflict in Lebanon for Dummies

Conflict In Lebanon For Dummies From the People's Cube
By Red Square
8/25/2006, 3:16 pm


As the great progressive leader Joseph Stalin may have said, "It's not what really happens, it's what we write about it that matters." We can never underestimate the importance of proper screening of individuals who narrate history for the masses - from news services and talk shows to school teachers and entertainers. To our credit we have a firm grip on all of the above. One of the most prominent members of the academic community in this respect is Professor Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD, who has kindly written for the People's Cube a brief yet masterful summary of the recent conflict in the Middle East. Not only does it correctly capture the way the events were covered by world's progressive media, it is also destined to enter the annals of history as the sole unquestionable resource for social scientists of the future.

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The Progressive History Of Conflict In Lebanon
by Professor Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD

 
Historical Revisionism is the reexamination of historical facts, with an eye towards updating historical narratives with newly discovered, more accurate, or less biased information, acknowledging that history of an event, as it has been traditionally told, may not be entirely accurate. Taking this idea even further, Professor Kurgman has pioneered a new trend in social science called "Futuristic Revisionism" that deals with "updating news reporting with more accurate and less biased information in real time" as the events unfold. Besides the benefit of helping the unwashed masses to develop the correct view of world events, this approach is meant to create a desired view of events for journalists and historians of the distant future, when all the memory of current events will have been completely erased (e.g., next election cycle)
In the summer of 2006, the Zionist populace of Israel, spoiled by joint ventures with Intel and Motorola, and their biotechnology inventions (which were all stolen from the Islam anyway) unanimously decided, "To hell with technology and commerce; we need to murder Lebanese civilian babies instead." The Zionist war-machine then developed a clever trick called "boomerang rockets" - launched from Israel into Lebanon, hundreds of them boomeranged back into Israel, fooling the world community about their true origin. This went on for quite a while without much effect, until two Zionist soldiers ran into the unsuspecting arms of workers for the Social Service Agency Hezbollah, and said, "Bring us into Lebanon, so that we can kill your civilian children for our religious rituals."

The Hezbollah workers bravely resisted, but the two Zionist soldiers prevailed, and invaded Lebanon. Immediately, other Zionist soldiers couldn't resist the temptation and they too began to invade Lebanon in droves, to slaughter children and steal body parts. Their Prime Minister Ehud Olmert proclaimed, "To the Lebanese people, we say, 'We are not fighting so that you will offer us something. We are fighting to eliminate you." Two days later, the Israeli-Lebanon border was jammed with cargo vehicles, returning with Muslim body parts to use in their so-called biotechnology inventions.

Disgusted by such disproportionate aggression, the civilized world from China to Nigeria to Russia and France objected - but as role models for peace, they were ignored.