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Tuesday, 30 October 2007
A Woman Needs A Man The Way A Man Needs A Bicycle
From The Telegraph:  

Man who had sex with bicycle in court:

By Richard Alleyne

A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle. Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down. The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex." Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police. Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month. He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.

Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

Posted on 10/30/2007 12:48 PM by Hugh Fitzgerald
30 Oct 2007
Paul Blaskowicz

How unfair that this man should be prosecuted and convicted because of two (no doubt, Wee Free Presbyterian and  sex-starved) prurient Scotch cleaners. 

 Whereas this man had it off with all manner of machines, and  not only lived to tell the tale, but boasted about it to the millions of readers of The Currant Bun, with nary even a hint of a prosecution from the English authorities.

 N.B. He's a Scottie too, and a member of the once-respected Clan Donald.  Perhaps there's something in the air in porridge land  that goes some way to explaining why the vast majority of engineers who followed the flag of Empire were Scotch:  motors, gins, penny-farthings,  and suchlike banausia could be handled and fetishised without arousing the  suspicion of the kirk elders.

Esmerelda:What I want to know is was he wearing a helmet?

Heaven forbid he had unprotected congress with a velocipede. (Or perhaps he was indeed helmetless, and prosecuted because he contravened the Ayr by-law that  protective headgear must be worn when riding a bike.)

30 Oct 2007
Send an emailEsmerelda Weatherwax
I have been ignoring that story for 3 days, thinking I didn't want to be the one to lower the tone of the site.
What I want to know is was he wearing a helmet?

30 Oct 2007
Hugh Fitzgerald
For god's sake, you're back already?  Why do you think I sent you that ticket to Uzbekistan?

30 Oct 2007
Send an emailMary Jackson

Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

It meant nothing. It was just a bit on the sidewalk.