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Tuesday, 29 December 2009
Shrink-wrapped oranges are not the only fruit...

There's the odd rotten pear.

I had been wondering why the once funny and down-to-earth Jeanette Winterson had lost her touch. I now learn that she is stepping out with dreary psychobabbler Susie Orbach.

This may turn out to be Winterson's banana skin. I don't trust thin people who make money writing about fat people; I don't trust "feminists" who give themselves the girlishly twee name "Susie", and I certainly don't trust shrinks. Look what happened to John Cleese when he got his head read - boring as hell.

Dull people should pair off together, but they rarely do. Instead, the dullard latches onto an interesting person, the dullness prevails and the number of dullards is doubled.

What a lemon - and not a melon between them.

Posted on 12/29/2009 12:24 PM by Mary Jackson
29 Dec 2009
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You Do Know Jack
Or: Perchance To Scream,
      Ay, There's The Rasub
Or: Some Like It Not
Or: The Lady Or Save The Tiger
Or: Teessiders-Muslim Amity,
      A Lemon Of An Idea
      Though Dhimmi Dullards
       Redouble Their Deferences
Or: How Do You Like Them Melons?
A Muslim is the foulest thing
That's cured by hanging from a string
- AE Kingsmill
Mary, as you might recall, things went pear-shaped as "The storm brewed at a no-alcohol lunch in Middlebrough's Waterloo Road Mosque," where "Dozens of Muslims were there to hear a speech on unity by the Bradford-based Commissioner for Pakistan" on account of a Mr. Muslim-mit-the-no-napkins who started a "stand-up row" because of napkins printed with the name of a brewery, The Flying Firkin, even though Rasub Afzal attempted to mollify the multitudinous seas of Muslim anger with a heaping helping of mollitude and "a glass of orange."
You've already seen my apartment*, but if you'd like to see it hot, come up again and see my nylon stretchings, my little tigress, and I'll let you thump my "melons."
- Jack "Lemon"