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Better than a poke in the eye

Eye-watering story from China in today's Times:

A man found himself in ocular discomfort. His local doctor discovered that the patient had adopted a cavalier approach to eyecare: leaving his contact lenses in for a whole year. Citing difficulty of removal as the explanation for his foolishness, Liu, 40 added: “I have some eyedrops for when the lenses feel uncomfortable.” This worked reasonably well for some time . . . until his eyesight degenerated, so Liu came up with a brilliantly simple solution: he inserted another pair of contact lenses. Next, he said, he put a pair of used disposal contact lenses over the other two pairs in his eyes, by then wearing three pairs of lenses. Doctors hope that he refrains from adhering to this policy when using, for example, socks and plasters.

I'm not at all squeamish, but with one exception - I could never wear contact lenses. The idea of poking something in my eye makes me shudder. I have inherited my father's 20/20 distance vision, which means that at some stage I will need reading glasses. I rather like the idea of looking over them at people; I imagine that it will make me feel superior. The disadvantage seems to be that you have to take them off to see where you're going, then you can't read anything when you get there. Perhaps the answer is a monocle. This would take the superiority thing to new heights, as you could open your eyes wide and let it fall out whenever somebody says something untoward or confuses "may" and "might".

Monocles should be the new cool. They're a lot cooler than Ray-Bans.